You know and I know that the blessed editorial team here at Apex Publications is the very definition of a perfect machine. We efficiently send those rejection letters out to the stories and novels we don’t need while writing poetic acceptance letters that have been known to bring tears to the coldest, most jaded-hearted writers.

I won’t lie. We LOVE writing acceptance letters. It’s the rejections that cause us the most agony. When your story is poorly written, we sincerely hope that you become a better writer. When your story is one of those that walks that thin line of being good enough to publish and being not quite good enough, we always look forward to seeing your next submission.

Even though Mari Adkins is called the “Rejectivator” around the offices, she does care. And so do I.

With this in mind, I asked each of our editors to share with me the top three annoying traits they find in the Apex slush (both short story and novel). I hope you find their answers to be enlightening and entertaining.

Gill Ainsworth (Senior Editor, Apex Magazine)
1) Bad grammar, particularly the misuse of the verb ‘to lay’; it hinders the reader’s comprehension and adds to the editor’s workload.

2) Non-professional cover letters; at the very least, they don’t give a good impression.

3) Exposition–it’s almost guaranteed to stop people page-turning.

Deb Taber (Senior Editor, Apex Book Company)
1) People who argue with or send rude replies to rejections (it’s amazing how much has been written on this topic, yet people still do it).

2) Submissions from people who clearly have not fully read the guidelines. This may include:

• Sending submissions to the wrong address (please, send ONLY to the address listed in the guidelines; sending directly to an editor will hurt your chances, not help them, unless that editor has specifically told you otherwise)
• Sending stories that are not right for our market (we are a dark SF market; sending mainstream thrillers, happy endings, or heroic fantasy will just waste everyone’s time)
• Sending submissions outside the state word count, especially if they either contain a note saying “I know it’s against your guidelines but…” or if they have a false word count on the manuscript (trust me, editors can spot a 12,000 word story even if you put “approximately 6000 words” at the top)

3) Hard sells in cover letters, especially when the author compares his/her story to movies (turn off the DVD player and read for a while, please). Your cover letter should be a simple, professional introduction, not a cry for attention.

Mari Adkins (Submissions Editor, Apex Magazine)
1) No query letter.

2) Starting sentences with “It was.”

3) Overuse of dialogue—with no attribution and no actual storytelling.

Sarah Brandel (Submissions Editor and Copy Editor, Apex Book Company & Apex Magazine)
1) Dialog tags describe how the dialog is spoken. If there is nothing to indicate speech in the preceding or following tag, it isn’t a dialog tag.
Incorrect: He ran around the room, “I can’t take this!”
Correct: He ran around the room screaming, “I can’t take this!”

People do not giggle, laugh, smile, or smirk dialog.
Incorrect: “You’ve always been so kind,” Jane smiled.
Correct: “You’ve always been so kind,” Jane said, smiling.

Hissing is questionable as a dialog tag, especially if there are no sibilant sounds (“s” or soft “c”) in the words being used.

2) It’s “its,” not “it’s.”
It’s = a contraction of “it is”
Its = belonging to it

The easiest way to remember this is think of “his” and “hers.” These possessive pronouns both end in “s” and do not use an apostrophe. Remember that, in this case, the apostrophe is the sign of a contraction, not ownership.

3) Stories beginning with the main character waking up.

Most books on writing would advise you to start a story (especially a short story) in the middle of the action. That said, since when is waking up and looking around the room (or waking up, eating breakfast, brushing your teeth…) high drama? Waking up to amnesia (“Who am I? Where am I?”) and
waking up from a nightmare have been overused–as have amnesia as a plot device and nightmares as a horror element. Unless you have a really original idea, you might want to try something else.

Maggie Jamison (Submissions Editor, Apex Magazine)
1) Arrogant and/or posturing cover letters. I won’t reject a story because of an irritating cover letter, but it puts me in a bad mood before I start reading, so your story better be damn good. (Side note: I also hate it when the cover letter explains the story. Some magazines might like a summary in their cover letters, but it ruins the fun of reading for me.)

2) Submissions of the wrong genre. We’re a sci-fi magazine, people. Specifically a dark sci-fi magazine. Read our guidelines on our web site. If you can submit your story by email, you can access our web site. Don’t send me fluffy high-fantasy. I love it in other magazines, but you’ll just make me mad submitting it here.

3) Talking back to a rejection: it’s a lose/lose situation for you. It will never make things better for you; it will never get your story reconsidered. The only thing it will do is get you banned from our magazine. It may make you feel better at the time, but seriously, it’s not worth it.

Jennifer Brozek (Submissions Editor, Apex Magazine)
1) Not reading the guidelines and sending in stories that don’t fit what I need. In fact, it pisses me off even more if it is a well-written story because, now, I know you can write but either you cannot comprehend or you don’t give a damn about what I want and you are just tossing your story out to willy-nilly without researching your market.

2) Angry, snotty replies back to me for my rejection with the assumption that I am incompetent, malicious, or unable to see the beauty of your submission. Angry, curse-laden replies to my rejections actually do hurt. I am a person. I am not a machine. Dear gods and little fishes… I want to publish you. All I want in return is a well written story that fits the theme, genre, and word count that I’m looking for.

3) Receiving a good story in the nascent stages of editing. You’ve got the theme and genre and word count down but if I can see two spelling errors, one dropped word, and a misplaced comma in the first three paragraphs I’m going to sigh and give out a rejection. Always have someone else look over your story for technical mistakes. Technical mistakes jar the reader (me) out of the story. A poorly edited manuscript makes me grit my teeth and wonder if the extra work is worth taking the story. Most of the time, it isn’t.

Next week, the Apex authors get a chance to air their grievances. I’m almost afraid to ask…