(4th Runner Up): Free Christmas Flash: Sander Klawse Preparedness Bulletin by Christina M. Parker

Posted by on Dec 27, 2013 in Apex Publications Blog: Matters of SF, Fantasy, and Horror | 2 comments

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santa03In preparation for the annual manifestation of the notorious redcap, Sander Klawse, the Fae Bureau of Infestations reminds all citizens of the following:

Klawse only chooses victims who are awake. Make sure everyone in your household is asleep by midnight local time on the night of December 24.

Studies have shown that frightened children do not sleep. To ensure their cooperation, bribe your children with promises of toys when they wake.

Do not attempt to bar Klawse’s entry into your house. If access via the chimney is restricted, he will destroy large sections of the roof and eat everyone awakened by the noise.

Property damage can be reduced by leaving the traditional fairy offering of milk and sweets. (Note: Klawse has shown decided preference for sugar cookies in past manifestations.)

Shiny objects and evergreen trees are also known to reduce damage from Klawse. The Bureau strongly recommends placing at least one tree inside your home and hanging bright-colored decorations wherever feasible.

Make sure your house is free of clutter – especially in children’s rooms. Past tragedies have been linked to Klawse being enraged by bad housekeeping habits.

Special Notice: Please help us reduce the number of polar elves enslaved by Klawse and forced to commit the annual atrocities with him. Each item of clothing offered by a member of your household will free one elf. The Bureau suggests leaving socks on the fireplace mantle where they can be easily seen and claimed by our oppressed brethren.

This is the 4th runner up story of the 2013 Apex Christmas Flash Fiction contest

Christina M. Parker is a writer, educator, and the full-time Project Manager for her household, Shadowglen, located in Sterling, VA. She is also Chair of the Board of Governors of Open Hearth Foundation located in Washington, DC. She loves reading, dark humor, playing Monty Python Fluxx, Captain Morgan rum, Doctor Who, and all things Whedon. Normally a non-fiction writer, this is her first published piece of fiction and she hopes there will be many more to follow in the future.
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  1. Fun story!

  2. excellent

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